Raptor-Cox Wedding Pictures I
From the private journal of Dawn Raptor
So okay Mom asked me to come and take pictures at Eleanor's wedding. Me, that is, at a wedding. What was she thinking? Rose is the wedding type, why didn't she ask her? Just because Rose's never actually met Eleanor, I guess.
I said to Rose that she could pretend to be me, have fun, see a wedding, meet her long-lost older sister and everything. But she just sort of rolled her eyes and said "Pretend to be you?" in this sort of voice and well fine if she wants to be that way about it.
So I was a good girl and took some pictures and emailed them to Mom and Eleanor and so as to remember what really happened I'm also going to put them in here and write down the Context, because Context is important.
The guests arrive. It's not a very good shot because everyone was coming from different directions, and they refused to go away and come back in a more organized way so I could get a better picture. Anyway, for future generations that's dad (Mitch "Captain Fireman" Lawson) on the left, then Eleanor Raptor the yuck blushing bride, then her younger sister Gina Raptor, and then our famous mom Sally Raptor in her hot formal.
Socializing before the happy yuck event. Actually I'm testing out the self-timer here on Eleanor's deck. It's a nice deck, with a hot tub and a pinball machine and stuff. That's Kennedy Cox the yuck handsome groom on the left; he was like hiding inside for the last picture. And that's mom in her formal, which is completely hot and why doesn't my formal look like that? Mine's not bad, really; it looks sort of dowdy and proper from a distance, but the fabric is really thin so there's this sort of ambush effect as you approach. At least that's my theory.
My big sisters sitting down to a nice game of chess. Looks like that whole Suzette Somnius incident from the other day has blown over; how I laughed! Anyway, they took forever to get around to the actual yuck wedding.
Here are the yuck happy couple "practicing" under the yuck wedding arch. Right now the full horror should be sinking in: this is the only guy you're ever allowed to kiss again, Sis! And you used to be so cool.
The intrepid photographer takes a much-needed rest inside. I didn't email this one to anyone, needless to say, the self-timer went off sort of by accident. Remember, granny Dawn of the future, all the time you spent bored eating chips and waiting for your sister's yuck wedding to start. Good times. NOT!
Raptor-Cox Wedding Pictures II
From the private journal of Dawn Raptor
Finally getting down to yuck business. Dad's late getting to his seat as usual. Notice the (sort of hot, really) gardener walking in stage right; remember her.
Exchanging rings. Notice the nauseatingly happy look on my sister's about-to-be-married face.
Ooh, the die is cast. You are dead to me now, Eleanor. Or not really, but still yuck.
Hurray, hurrah. But notice the attractive redheaded woman in the front row (alone in the front row, now that I notice it. Ha!). That's the gardener again, she's changed clothes and come to the yuck wedding without an invitation or anything. Nervy. I hope I'm nervy like that.
The ceremonial kiss. Not a bad-looking kiss. Memo to self: try with Nicole at first opportunity. I wonder if Kennedy is a good kisser.
Raptor-Cox Wedding Pictures III
From the private journal of Dawn Raptor
Okay, this was FUNNY! Very first thing yuck handsome groom Kennedy does in his new married state is notice how hot mom (his !mother in law!!) is. And then...
Take two, only this time his little sister-in-law Gina. Har and har! Of course they ARE both really hot; it runs in the family. What does this foretend for his fidelity to mad Eleanor? The world wonders.
To restrain her already-errant husband's roving eyes, mad Eleanor is forced to grab him and apply a lip-lock. Note to self: try this with Nicole also. Dad escapes stage right, while Mom and Gina, unaccountably happy despite the whole disgusting spectacle, hug stage left. They're probably thinking There But For the Grace Of God...
All over now but the shouting, one would think; but the intrepid photographer was not to lay down her burdens yet!
Raptor-Cox Wedding Pictures IV
From the private journal of Dawn Raptor
Another experiment with the self-timer is interrupted by a sudden Dad attack. I think there were even TEARS in his eyes. Yuck yuck and also yuck. If he's looking for another daughter to get married off, he's got the wrong twin, Mister.
Back outside, the gardener is gardening in her formal. Just a typical day in the nut-house! She does look quite good in it, though. I wonder if it comes in my size.
Mom and Gina are playing Everyone's Favorite Dorky Game, and laughing their heads off. Well, they may be insane, but at least neither of THEM is getting married anytime soon. I asked Gina if she was going to like get hitched to Gabriel's father next, and she just said "Dawson??" and laughed and laughed. In a nice way, of course.
The intrepid photographer captures a Deep Conversation between Mother and Daughter. Eleanor claims that being married and abandoning Romance is going to make her life !easier! because she won't have to worry about those little Cheating incidents. If by "easier" you mean "more deadly boring", I suppose.
A last experiment with the self-timer: The Photographer Reflects On The Day's Events. Does this hairstyle make my nose look big? I was going to crop Dad and Kennedy out of the picture, but at the last moment I decided that future generations of nut-doctors might benefit from the Documentary Evidence.
Raptor-Cox Wedding Pictures V
From the private journal of Dawn Raptor
Yes, well, it was a good party in SOME sense of the word. But sadly the experience has completely unhinged the yuck blushing bride's mind, if this Candid Snapshot is any indication. Hoo hoo. I'll bet she doesn't mount this one over the mantle.
To be fair, being whisked off in a big black limo for a Hot Night Of Love has a certain amount going for it. But the price, sister, the awful price!
Unnecessary but appealing picture of the gardener in her formal again. I wonder if she'll still be around when I'm old enough? Assuming I don't go mad and marry the postman or something; what if insanity runs in the family!
The happy yuck couple return from their night of debauchery, with another of those kisses that I must remember to investigate.
And finally the intrepid photographer lays down her shingle (is that what "shingle" means?) and returns to daily life, sadder but wiser from the Experience.
Marriage: yuck!